So for the last five years or so, I have been self aware. Many people don’t become self aware at all in their life, so sorry if I provoke it…
Apart of being self aware is understanding that in the whole scheme of the universe, you personally are nothing. Your life will have no impact on time or space, so what you do doesn’t really matter. However you do affect others around you, who affect those around them, and it continues in a global circle. But then, eventually in that circle, your affects die out, and we are back to square one – you don’t make any difference.
Another important part of being self aware is “Why are we here?”, “What is the purpose in life?”, and “What comes after?”. Feeling anxious yet? It’s these question that lead me to an existential crisis. Very different from mid, or quarter life crisis, an existential crisis involves questioning your very existence, and perhaps even considering death to find out what will come of you. I feel as though belief systems (such as religion) were designed for people to eliminate these questions. For example the bible states what was, what is, and what will be. For Christians it’s easy, they are basically told how life will go down, and whilst I was christened, I don’t see myself as religious. I personally believe that there are too many belief systems out there, and too many options to go and come to choose just one to put my faith in. Just writing this my stomach is twisting, so I’m going to keep this short.
There is a plus side to being self aware – life is short, and you need to take every opportunity, and live every moment. You may not know why you exist, but in our small human world, happiness is what is most important to our fickle minds. So, the meaning of our existence is to provide for ourselves. Achieving goals, and finding love is what satisfies most people’s happiness, alone side the usual things such as money and possessions (but those are merely mirages of happiness).
It is due to this awareness that I am so ambitious. I don’t want to waste my life, even if I can’t ‘change the world’ I can affect those few people around me, I can be happy and live a good life. And whether I come back as a bumble bee, or live in a castle in the clouds, I hopefully won’t have regrets.
I’m getting deep, which is making me anxious, so I’m going to leave it here for now. I’m sure I’ll dive into this topic further in the future, but I’ll talk to you later,