So a lot has been going on recently, and I need to vent. For starters, I have somehow found myself in a relationship. We have been together for almost a month now, and I am SO happy. As this is my first serious relationship, everything is all very new, and both scary and exciting. But I never thought it would be so easy, I thought relationships were hard work, and you had to put time into them, and do this and that. But that is far from true. It’s so natural. Yes, you need to spend time together, but as someone who is very busy I thought finding time for him would be hard. But when just a few spare hours in between classes, or on my lunch hour at work, he is there and that’s enough. He understands, and it’s hard to have to say good bye when I’ve only seen him for an hour over the last three days. But he understands.
I think he worries a lot that he isn’t good enough. He worries that he will make the same mistakes as his previous relationship. But he is amazing. He is sweet, romantic, kind. He is handsome and sexy. And he fits so well into my life. He gets on well with my parents, and watching him interact with my little brother is so heart warming.
I think most of the problems of his last relationship were because of her. She didn’t like spending time with his family. She didn’t like being at his house, or paying interest to the things his is passionate about. He can sit there for hours, talking about gaming and books and fantasy. I love watching the look on his face as he gets excited about it. I love reading and books, and writing is what I do. We fit so well together.
We bought a lego set the other day, and spent about an hour just building lego together. I imagine that his last girlfriend would have laughed and though he was childish for wanting to do so. But I loved it. I loved being able to work together to build that little car made of tiny bricks. It now sits beside the TV in his living room. A little display of our childish nature, and the fun we have by reflecting it off of each other.
We stay up until four am talking about life, or playing Mariokart. We can sit in silence and just play with the other’s fingers. I have never felt so comfortable with someone I have known for such a short amount of time. Technically I have known him for two years, but we only became friends about three months ago. We had been talking for barely a month when I told him all my darkest secrets. Things that took me years to tell my best friend. Things that my parents will never know. He is my safety blanket, but I am still perfectly capable of warming myself.
It’s important for two people in a relationship to be singularly whole. You are not two halves of the one being, you still need to be independent. Yes, you can rely on the other, and yes they FEEL like your other half. But you need to be an individual. Don’t let being with them turn you into what they want you to be.
We have this fail-safe. The 50/50 mechanism. When something happens, or we need to get through something together, the burden is 50/50. It’s equally on us both. We are both at fault. It’s not one or the other. It’s us both. We have never faced an issue where we have needed to invoke the rule, but we have established that it’s there.
I think it’s too early to tell him I love him, but I know that I am falling, very quickly. And I’m a little scared, but I know that at the bottom of this endless drop he will catch me.
But I could talk about him all day, so I won’t bore you with the details. I’ll talk to you later,